Junk

We all have our junk

We all have stuff that we would rather stay tucked away

Hidden

Secret

Just for us to know

And we fight hard to keep it that way

We fight hard to keep it hidden away because we fear how people will respond.

If they know that about me then it will change the relationship that I have with them. If they know it will change the image they have of me. If they know they may think that I'm weak.

So we constantly fight the battle within. We want people to see us strong. So we hide the cracks. The holes. The spots - the secret spots.

But what happens when the cracks start to show through. What happens when the holes become bigger and can't be covered? The junk spots become revealed and we realize that we were never really fooling anyone. They just let us have our walls. But by the time the eventually come - fall – down and it's a bad place to be.

This was revealed to me as I started this journey of believing that everything was alright. You know the song "I'm alright. Don't nobody worry 'bout me" [1]. (Now you probably have the dancing gopher in your mind. [2])

But I realized something - I wasn't fooling anyone. At the height of the discovery of what had been secretly going on in my marriage and it started to affect me. People who were close to me began to take note, but they let it go for a period of time. God does the same thing sometimes. He wants us to come back and draw close to Him. One day it was so heavy on my mind and it showed stronger than ever. A friend of mine asked me if everything was alright. Of course, he already knew the answer, but he wanted me to tell him (same with God!). So I told him what had been going on and found out that he had just gone through something very similar. 

You never know when God will use what you are going through to help someone.

We go through the storms of life to learn something and that we will someday be able to help someone. I know someone that I serve with at church and he told me some things about 8 years ago now and at the time the things that he told me about had no meaning to me at all until 7 years later. (There's that number 7). Then when everything started to unfold and came crashing down, I remembered what he said and I knew exactly who I was going to talk to first about all of this.

As I gained the courage to tell some more people about what was on, I found there were more people that knew exactly what I was going through. And do you know what - their image of me didn't change! Those are the people in your life that matter! They all wanted to help and respected my choice to keep it between us. But they all also said and I quote "we could tell something was up. It showed in you." I responded to that by saying that "it's really bad when other people start to notice that I'm down or hurting. If other people see a change in me it's gotten rough."

But I also want to say that I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one who knows. There are people that cross my path daily that know what's going on and are there for a listening ear.

We weren't meant to carry all of our junk. "We all lug loads we were never intended to carry. Fear. Worry. [Junk]. Discontent. No wonder we get so weary. We are worn out from carrying that excess baggage." [3]

We weren't meant to do life alone (Genesis 2:18). Share your story. You never know who is sitting, standing, or walking right next to you that just may be able to help.

Oh and God already knows your junk and He loves so much anyway!

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[1] "I'm Alright" - Kenny Loggins

[2] Caddyshack - Warner Brothers

[3] "Traveling Light" - Max Lucado, 2001, word in brackets added
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